Memorial Day Party 2008

Steve and Melissa's House
Sarasota, Florida, USA, Planet Earth

***

I arrived fashionably late (as always) to
Steve & Melissa's at about 1:30 pm.

The door was unlocked and no-one answered for at least ten minutes.

Steve had already been drinking and was slumped over the table out on the patio. His loud snore was interspersed with hushed mumbling. Strangely, one hand was down his pants the whole time.

Melissa streaked from the kitchen to the bedroom clutching a dish towel to cover her lower bits and cheesewhiz covering the northern region.

She said she would be right back after a quick shower. Though, the water ran for a long time and she made questionable noises, we made ourselves at home. Their home was great. They have large windows and tasteful choices in both color palate and decorations. I'm glad that they're such big Hooters fans.

There was a nice margarita bar outside, partially covered in Steve's vomit. He giggled. They have a beautiful backyard with large shady trees. I went inside for some water and came back.

Steve was still in a patio chair when he stood up momentarily and started to pee on the sliding glass door. He zig-zagged his pee across while singing Van Halen. I stood on the other side watching.

When I finally waved, Steve was clearly startled and bonked his head on the glass. He sat back down with pee running down his leg.

Melissa returned and brought out a large snackplate. It had pringles potato chips, three slices of oscar mayer bologna and a can of tuna.

We had to ask her for a can opener.

Some more people came in and Melissa got back in the shower. Steve woke up and started giving everybody "free hugs."

Man, his pelvis bone is really strong.

People were playing "Cornhole" in the backyard so I was afraid to go out there.

I looked up the definition when I got home.

From Wikipedia:
Cornhole
A game in which players take turns pitching small bags filled with corn (or sand or beans) at a raised platform with a hole in the far end. These platforms are usually plywood sometimes plastic and either all white or decorated with a team name or any other custom creation. A corn bag in the hole scores 3 points, while one on the platform scores 1 point. Play continues until a player reaches the score of 21. The platforms measure 4 feet ×2 ft. The Cornhole platforms are set 33ft from hole to hole
(the 6" holes are centered 6" in from the back) while the player can stand anywhere from no further than the back of the platform but not any closer than the front of the platform.

From UrbanDictionary.com
Cornhole
1. (noun) The crusty ring found upon entry to the anal area.
2. (verb) To rape someone anally

I'm glad I didn't take any chances.

There were nice people at the party. I met a lovely couple named Andrew & Michelle. That was really wierd cause a lot of people were named Michelle or Steve or Chris.

But these two are cute together and seem very happy. Andrew works at the airport as a freelance runway buffer. Michelle works undercover in the dark underworld of the chinese mafia, here in Florida. She is not allowed to discuss the nature of her taskforce.
Catey and Julie showed up and while Catey tried to get into every photograph, they left early and I think it had something to do with the dog. I'm not sure.

Some homeless guy named Vincent came over and we chatted. He made mention of the drug Proactive - of which I made several  long, accusatory glances. But after strong assurances that he could "turn it off" if I didn't enjoy the sensation I was convinced and kindly gave him the $75.

The next couple hours were spent in a warm, beautiful haze.

I remember playing some king of strip card game that Andrew made up as he went along.
I turned the tables on him and managed to when the first game. But soon after, the rouse was up and I had to lay down for awhile.

I dreamed of hot sausage going into my mouth.
Hmmm. Hot sausage.

And I was attacked by an ice cream truck that endlessly broadcast the ding-a-ling-music everywhere it went.

I can still hear it now.

It was really nice to see the diversity of Melissa & Steve's friends. I met one girl whose name is:
Is It Yummy?

I'm actually not sure if there is a question mark in her name but it kinda sounded like it when she was introduced and I never bothered to ask.

That's a picture of her with Melissa when I caught them trying to steal my fucking Vespa.

Is It Yummy? pretended not to understand english, while Melissa staggared over to a small plant she was in conversation with.

I fled to the backyard.

I found Vincent sitting under one of the large, shady trees. After a long talk and some gentle spooning, I decided it was time to leave.

I found Steve and said goodbye. He held me close, awkwardly, for a long time. The kitchen timer went off and I sliped out. Melissa screamed goodbye from the shower and I headed home.

Thanks guys. Had a great time!

Chris

***

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